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‘Love’ is a ‘Seaside’ for Lana & Joan!


Lana Turner tussles with Hugh O’Brian in 1965’s “Love Has Many Faces.”
Joan Crawford & Jeff Chandler spar/spark in “Feminine on the Seaside.”

MGM grads Lana
Turner and Joan Crawford confronted latter day dilemmas discerning love from lust,
as cougars versus seaside boy toys, in Love
Has Many Faces
 
and
Feminine on the
Seaside.

Lana Turner as jaded Equipment Jordan in “Love Has Many Faces.” Cliff Robertson
as her 40-ish boy toy, to whom she’s married unhappily ever after.


Right here, these divas play robust cookies with tons
of dough. In 1965’s Love, Turner
performs Equipment Jordan, the richest lady
on the earth. In 1955’s Seaside,
Crawford is Lynn Markham, former Las Vegas “specialty dancer” and widow of a
wealthy “enterprise man.” Each girls are loaded (generally in each sense!) however
lonely. Lana’s Equipment cools her cha-cha heels in Acapulco, with seaside boys and a bevy
of Edith Head costumes. Equipment’s cool modifications when her most up-to-date boy washes up
on shore, an obvious suicide. Joan’s Lynn decides to maneuver in to her late
husband’s California ocean entrance pad after the tenant dies mysteriously. “Love
is skinny ice,” as Lana’s parting jewellery present is inscribed, which describes each
of those sordid soaps.

Joan Crawford as Lynn Markham, in enterprise on high/celebration on backside seaside put on!
In “Feminine on the Seaside,” Lynn has a love/hate perspective towards Jeff Chandler’s gigolo.


In Love Has Many Faces, Lana Turner was 43
throughout filming; co-cougars Ruth Roman and Virginia Gray had been 42 and 47. Lana
will get the super-glam therapy and was additionally the very best preserved of the trio.
Nonetheless, they’re all handled like determined dames. What makes this extra absurd
is that seaside “boys” Cliff Robertson and Hugh O’ Brian had been 40 and 39.
Each had good physiques, particularly show-off O’ Brian, however they seemed a bit weathered
themselves.

Lana’s skinny, tan, and in tender focus in “Love Has Many Faces!”

This “Feminine on the Seaside” desires you to know she’s nonetheless acquired it occurring!


In Feminine on the Seaside, Joan Crawford is
the lone cougar, with 34-ish stud Jeff Chandler promoting his wares. Joan was on
the eve of turning 49 in the course of the Seaside
shoot—in case you assume she was born in 1906. Crawford reveals off her taut determine at
each flip, at occasions touching herself for no obvious motive. Whereas her
magnificent face is filmed very flatteringly, Joan’s insistence on her latter
day kabuki make-up negates the impact. Apparently, each Lana and Joan sport
very cropped hair-dos of their seaside soaps—to forestall bed-head?

No, your imaginative and prescient’s simply superb! Simply Lana getting some additional “Love” from the digicam man!
This “Feminine” is equally flatteringly photographed, however Joan’s make-up is an excessive amount of!


Stephanie Powers was age
21 throughout taking pictures of Love Has Many Faces.
She performs an harmless younger lady there to assert the useless physique of her former
boyfriend, final seen as Lana’s newest seaside boy toy. The police and Powers need
to know if enjoyable couple Lana and Cliff had something to do with the younger man’s loss of life.
Powers is a smart good lady right here, so her Edith Head duds are a bit dowdy,
whereas Acapulco Lanita dazzles in her
playgirl get-ups. It’s implied that Robertson, a one-time seaside boy who married
sugar mama Lana, is age-appropriate for Powers, although he was practically twice
her age in actual life.

Cub meets the cougar! Stephanie Powers & Lana Turner in “Love Has Many Faces.”
“Specialty dancer” meets the realtor! Joan Crawford & Jan Sterling, “Feminine on the Seaside.”


In Feminine on the Seaside, the one
competitors is the edgy realtor, Amy Rawlinson, performed by Jan Sterling, no
stranger to robust broads. Jan’s sullen puss at all times jogged my memory of a imply
Marilyn Monroe. Watching Joan and Jan is likely one of the many camp highlights of
this bitchy Seaside.

Shut-up on Lana

World weary Lana Turner, with dreary Cliff Robertson, in “Love Has Many Faces.”


The principle distinction
with Love Has Many Faces from
Turner’s different latter day soaps is that Lana goes from struggling in mink to
struggling in swim put on! As with a lot of Turner movies, Love performs to her off-screen fame. At this level, she had
survived the Johnny Stompanato scandal and made an enormous comeback in Imitation of Life. Turner had appeared
in a lot of horny soaps taking part in up her femme fatale persona. Love was maybe the gaudiest, however the
largest was simply across the nook, Madame
X
. Lana is softly lensed in Love by
MGM veteran Joseph Ruttenberg.

Lana Turner & Hugh O’Brian have a tan-off occurring in “Love Has Many Faces.”


Lana was in nice
trim, borderline skinny and tremendous tan, with platinum hair. Acapulco was
Lana’s playground on the time, so she was fairly at residence within the milieu of solar
and “enjoyable.” Lana’s costumes are borderline drag queen however go well with this film simply
superb.

Lana Turner’s about to have a tough encounter with a bull, and I do not imply
Hugh O’Brian, in “Love Has Many Faces.”


Lana postures differ
between world-weary and worrisome. This film tries to have its cake and eat
it, too. Savor the sinning, adopted by uplifting remorse! Cliff Robertson,
who suffers from vendor’s regret to Lana, is a sullen unhappy sack. Hugh O’Brian
has enjoyable along with his function of the unhealthy boy seaside boy. And he definitely does not thoughts
exhibiting what the great Lord gave him. Ruth Roman’s no-nonsense wealthy broad is a
little bit of contemporary air on this salacious cleaning soap. In all of the publicity pix with Hugh O’Brian and his cougar Roman, she seems to be
like she’s about to claw him.

Wyatt Earp by no means dressed like this! Hugh O’Brian is a cynical gigolo with a seaside bod.


The story is as slight
as Lana’s determine, however the finale is a hoot. As Cliff’s saved hubby is drawn to
Powers pure bred lady, Lana’s Equipment will get in a snit and lets herself get gored by
a bull… symbolism anybody? Nonetheless, there is a pleased ending for Lana in Love Has Many Faces, and that does not
imply Turner’s Equipment now has two navels!

Joan’s Shut-up

Joan Crawford provides Jeff Chandler her patented stare in “Feminine on the Seaside.”


In Feminine on the Seaside,
Joan Crawford’s Lynn Markham reveals as much as reclaim her seaside abode. The cops are
investigating the crime scene down on the seaside, whereas the realtor and her crew
are busily cleansing up the mess inside. That is pre-CSI/Regulation and Order, for certain. Love Joan’s aspect eye because the realtor and
crew attempt to do a fast cleanup, necessitated after the final tenant’s very abrupt departure.

Greater than a fleeting look of Joan hitching up her panties to her child doll nightie!

Now Joan’s Lynn is able to greet the day! 1955’s “Feminine on the Seaside!”


As with many latter day Joan Crawford automobiles, her
character provides just a little speech rationalizing why she’s develop into such a tricky
broad. Right here, Lynn tells the story of sharing a room with two different sisters—sob! She tells the seaside cop that she’s longed to
be alone in a giant home identical to her seaside digs.

Whereas Lana flaunts a Coppertone tan in her seaside cleaning soap, Joan reveals off her gams
in “Feminine on the Seaside.” The serving to hand is Jeff Chandler’s!


When native gigolo Drummy wakes up Joan’s Lynn early within the
a.m, I half anticipated her to yowl, “Christopher, Tina, dammmm-it!” Jeff
Chandler’s Drummy quickly finds out that Lynn prefers her morning deep brewed flay-vah
alone!

Certainly one of many Joan’s camp basic traces from “Feminine on the Seaside!”


After someday of intoning that she desires to be alone extra
than Garbo in Grand Lodge, Lynn’s
second night finds her lonely and bored. In her new digs, she’s moping round
in a cocktail costume with a drink, moodily listening to the film’s sultry
soundtrack. Lastly Lynn grabs her jeweled sweater and goes for a seaside stroll
in ankle strap heels, like all of us would do. Recognizing Drummy toiling on his
parked boat, she climbs aboard. After some acidic banter, they kiss, with
additional turgid dialogue.

Joan’s “specialty dancer” in moderately fancy seaside put on in “Feminine on the Seaside.”
 By some means, I do not her “specialty” was the Charleston!


The subsequent day Lynn will get invited to dinner and playing cards by
Drummy’s older friends. Watching Feminine on
the Seaside
, I had a psychological picture of Natalie Schaefer’s husband right here performed
by Gilligan’s Island co-star Jim
Backus, as an alternative of Cecil Kellaway. Image Lovey and Thurston Howell as gigolo
pimps!

Cecil Kellaway & Natalie Schaefer as Jeff Chandler’s “pals” in “Feminine on the Seaside.”


It’s a cold beachfront morning, however Joan’s widow is clad
in solely a coat, skimpy shorts, and excessive heels! As she stokes a hearth, a brick in
the fireside comes free. Like one thing out of Nancy Drew, Lynn pulls it
out to search out late tenant Eloise Crandall’s diary. How does she know?  As a result of it says so, in huge block letters!
Like all previous motion pictures, the handwriting seems to be like over-sized cursive
workout routines. And shock, Crandall’s story of romance with Drummy appears acquainted!

Love how Jan Sterling’s realtor rushes the maid previous residence proprietor Joan Crawford,
 with the proof from the earlier tenant, in “Feminine on the Seaside!”


Each time Lynn fights with Drummy, she hits the bottle and
turns right into a wretched mess. After
the final time Drummy does not name, Lynn goes on a bender.
She staggers round in a nightie with a Peter Pan collar
and puffed sleeves, knocks over ashtrays, and slurs insults. However the minute he calls, she’s sober and in blissfully
in love once more. Reunited, they each let down their butch hair to reveal their
sorry pasts.

Joan Crawford as plastered and pouting Lynn Markham just isn’t a reasonably sight in
 “Feminine on The Seaside!”


Although Joan’s
“specialty dancer” was solely married to her “enterprise man” a scant
half dozen years, she did not know a lot about life when she met him… implying
that she was a shallow younger lady. Uh, Joan’s 50ish right here! Chandler’s Drummy
possesses fairly the pretend scar, courtesy from his suicidal mom.

Joan Crawford’s Lynn, in her extra tender moments, with Jeff Chandler’s gigolo,
in 1955’s “Feminine on the Seaside.”


Earlier than they head off
on his boat to get hitched, it is Sterling’s Amy who now will get to make a sloppy
drunken scene over Drummy. On their means, a contrived plot machine causes Joan to
mistrust her man once more. Which leads
to the climax the place latter day Joan as soon as once more goes mano-a-mano towards her
main man. The film wraps up in dime retailer novel trend and Joan does not
even get gored by a bull—until you depend Jeff Chandler!

No, Joan does not get gored by a bull in her seaside opera! “Feminine on the Seaside.”


Jeff Chandler as gigolo Drummy, the manwich for the “Feminine on the Seaside.”


Feminine on the Seaside could possibly be titled The Three Faces of Joan. Joan’s Lynn is alternately: the iron-clad
widow; the boozy, suspicious lady; and the nice and cozy lady in love. Viewers
can get whiplash attempting to maintaining. However like lots of Joan Crawford’s latter
day automobiles, it is simply an excuse for Joan to run via her biggest hits of
film posturing. Jeff Chandler holds his personal towards Crawford, alternately
horny and sinister. And Jeff’s a hunk of silver fox, besides.

Jeff Chandler’s Drummy, judging Joan’s selection of studying materials or hair-do?
1955’s “Feminine within the Seaside.”

Last Rating

Each Love Has Many Faces and Feminine on the Seaside are campier than
Halloween at Cher’s home, however I give Joan’s bitchy seaside cleaning soap the sting. Whereas Love has many eye-rolling moments, Seaside has so many howler traces that it’s
just about a Carol Burnett parody of a Joan Crawford film. On a excessive camp
degree, each girls’ star automobiles are additionally extremely pleasing.

The winner! This “Feminine on the Seaside” will get her pleased ending!

Right here is my have a look at
Lana’s final and biggest comeback, Imitation
of Life
:

https://ricksrealreel.blogspot.com/2017/12/imitation-of-life-1959.html

Right here
is my tackle one in every of Joan Crawford’s most sympathetic latter day roles, with
Cliff Robertson, in Autumn Leaves:

https://ricksrealreel.blogspot.com/2022/09/crawfords-latter-day-best-autumn-leaves.html

Charles Busch line: “White is, in any case, the standard colour of mourning
in India.” Equipment Jordan & hubby Pete attend her newest boy toy’s funeral
in 1965’s “Love Has Many Faces.”



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