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Putin Sanctions Kris Jenner, Kardashians, Travis Barker; Worldwide Neighborhood Reacts in Mockery

Extra stunning information out of Moscow this week, as a number of shops have now confirmed that Russian president Vladimir Putin has issued sanctions towards members of the Kardashian household.

The transfer has baffled specialists and raised new considerations about Putin’s psychological state.

Putin earned widespread derision when he sanctioned President Biden and different US politicians final month.

Now, it seems that the famously erratic chief has determined to double down on that technique in actually weird vogue.

Vlad, Kim

In keeping with a press release from Russian overseas minister Sergey Lavrov, Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney Kardashian will now not be capable to conduct enterprise with Russian banks or promote their merchandise throughout the nation’s borders.

At a press convention this week, Lavrov reportedly held up a waist coach from Kim’s Skims shapewear line and defined that “going ahead, Russia shall be a Spanx-only nation.”

In a press launch from the Kremlin, it was revealed that Kris and Kylie Jenner have additionally been sanctioned, together with Kourtney’s fiance, Travis Barker.

That final title got here as a shock, as Barker is just not but a member of the Kardashian household.

An insider defined to the Related Press, nevertheless, that Putin is “not a Blink-182 fan” and as a substitute prefers “the heavier sound” of different Nineties punk bands, similar to Rancid, NOFX, and Unhealthy Faith.

“The president believes that that pop punk sh-t is for posers,” the informant defined.

Additionally curious is the truth that Kylie Jenner was sanctioned, however not her older sister Kendall.

Which means Kylie’s line of cosmetics has been banned in Russia, however Kendall’s 818 tequila will nonetheless be obtainable in liquor shops.

“Russia’s not likely a tequila nation, however we want all of the booze we will get as of late,” the insider defined.

“This is likely to be the primary yr that we have a good time Cinco de Mayo in Moscow. It’s going to be a pleasant distraction. It is exhausting to weep on your nation whilst you’re carrying a giant foolish sombrero and sipping from a fish bowl-sized marg!”

The insider added that the choice to favor Kendall over Kylie was additionally a matter of private choice for Putin:

“He thinks Kendall is a complete baddie,” mentioned the supply.

“When Trump was over right here, Vlad could not cease speaking about how Kendall has the supple limbs of an Olympic gymnast or a member of the Bolshoi Ballet.”

Reached for touch upon the Kremlin’s stunning transfer, Kim appeared unfazed:

“I am purported to be terrified of this man simply because he is bought nukes?” she laughed.

Kanye purchased the home throughout the road from me, and he retains sending demise threats to my boyfriend. Putin is fairly low on the record of unhinged narcissists that I want to fret about.”

Kim is just not alone in being unconcerned in regards to the sanctions.

“Wtf is that this man’s drawback?” Biden tweeted on Thursday in response to the information.

“Now I’ve to fret about him utilizing chemical weapons in Ukraine and taking Scott Disick’s facet simply to piss off Kourtney? This man has messier politics than Caitlyn, and that is the tea, sis,” the president continued.

Okay, as you will have discovered by now, that is simply an April Fools’ joke.

Hey, in 2022 it’s a must to snort to maintain from crying, proper?


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